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Things That Make Us Special

 When I'd been a teen, one of my closest friends told me that she wakes up every morning, looks at her reflection in the mirror and tells herself: "I am special. Only special things will happen to me."  At that point, I had found it a little odd that one might call oneself special. Is that not something on the verge of arrogance? Why must we tell ourselves we are special? That's what the world around is supposed to recognize and acknowledge on their own. LOL. (Talk about operating from a place of modesty! HAHA!) A few days ago, while I was walking to get in my heart points on Google Fit, I was listening to this Headspace podcast where they spoke about comparison being the rott of most evil. Needless to say, I fully agree that comparison is the reason why we never seem to be satisfied with who we are or what we have. When we compare ourselves to others, we compare our inner life with the others' outer lives - apples and oranges. We do not know how these lives are b...
Recent posts

Raging at Remembered Memories

Parents are one's unchangeable lot. Sometimes, we get lucky: we find people who we are okay to befriend as we grow older. But, most of the time, in my experience with people from my generation, relationships with fathers have been exceptionally hard to navigate. My father is no exception.  Since I lost my mum about a year and a half ago, I have come to realise that his only memory of my mother is all that she did for him. He has no memory of her for herself - for who she was. She has written so many things and he has not read a single one of her writings. She loved books, witty articles in newspapers, flowers, good food, desserts, sweet music, TV serials. She was ever curious about the world and wanted to travel to new places and found joy in reading and learning about the places she wanted to visit. He has no memory whatsoever that memorialises any of these things. Instead, he talks about how she prepped for poojas, and becomes especially dramatic about the one festival where she ...

An Invitation to Whim and the Mingling of Lives

When we were doing one quick neighbourhood run to buy gardening supplies earlier this week, it started to drizzle, and then it started to rain quite heavily. There is a certain old-worldly Raj Kapoor-Nargis charm to walking in the rain with one umbrella between us. Right at that moment was when boy also said, quoting Longfellow, "Into every man's life, some rain must fall." That made the moment quite perfect. The timing of boy-quotes probably need a post of their own.  Later in the week, I had a physio session, for which I took the cycle. Boy was at home and I had not carried the key with me. Boy messaged when I was nearly done with the physio, to say that he was heading out for the haircut in the neighbourhood market. Since I also wanted to head over to the market to get coffee grounds for the house plants, I decided to join him in the market.  I went right up to boy's salon and realised it was this cute, old-worldly barbershop. Apparently, Verma's unisex salon h...

Monsoons in Delhi

Bombay monsoon comes with a sense of foreboding. Anyone who has spent even a single monsoon in Bombay can identify with this uneasiness. The constant dampness, the non-stop rain, the discomfort and disease associated with wet feet. Rains are not romantic or fun. Monsoon in Bombay is just a series of depressing thoughts, feelings and days.  When I moved to Delhi, I knew I will miss Bombay. But I was certain I will not miss the Bombay rains. Unsurprisingly, I felt only relief after experiencing the first monsoon in Delhi. The sky is mostly blue, and is only blue during this season. There are floating clouds all around which teach you how to let go of your intrusive thoughts. The rain-washed plants look like they are leading flourishing lives; they're that bright and shiny. And, the actual rain? It shows its face every once in a while, sometimes heavy, sometimes light, but never a constant drizzle. It does not rain for days here like it does in Bombay. And a word for the breeze: there...

Twisters and Revisiting The Familiar

Movies you watch as a teenager become part of who you end up as an adult. It is not just the actors, the plot, and the words and music that you remember; it is the trauma of watching something that tugged at your heart or made you gag. And, when you have watched the movie several times over as a teenager, the not-so-good feeling starts to feel like muscle memory. And, after you watch the movie over and over again, that same feeling begins to turn in your mind. It is somehow sweeter. You wait to feel the heart twinge: you wait to feel what is familiar. This pain is no longer pain. It is who you are. You wait to connect with a tiny fragment of... you.  Watching Twisters as an adult was all of this. It made me realise that my adult anxiety, and the symptoms of that anxiety, are all so very new to who I am.  I usually step away from watching anything that gets the cortisol flowing. Don't I already have enough stress in my everyday? Why do I need to bring more stress upon myself by...

Too Much of Everything

 Why do we have to deal with the excess of everything that comes our way?  Stimulation? Too much. Conversations? Too many. Stuff around the house? Too much. Variety on the food menu? Too much. E-comm window shopping? Definitely feels like too much. Instagram ads? Yikes. Let's not even go there? The options of carb-heavy, sugar-heavy food? Too much. Life cannot really be about this mindless excess, right? So, where does one begin to draw the line? What does drawing the line even look like when one is floating in a sea of excess, anyway. What do nautical lines look like? Only seafarers can respond to this post.